1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
