Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Green mimosas i think yes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
