my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
