Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
