The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
