took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
