I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
