i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
