There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
