it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
