a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
