he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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