i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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