My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
