i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
