I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
