That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
