my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
