Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
