I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
