The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
