Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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