My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
