I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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