I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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