You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
