Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
