I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
