my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
