my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
