his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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