if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
