Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
