somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
