Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
