Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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