I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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