32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
