I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
