who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to calm my uterus...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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