Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
