OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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