paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
