we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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