Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
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