i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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