I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
