I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dont even know how to be here
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
