I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was a trapeze. enough said
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
