people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
